as a never-married man in my 30’s, i’ve been asked at various times about the possibility i might be gay. this happened not long ago on a second date with a woman, who, as you could guess, i never contacted again. (“i knew he was gay!” i imagine she says.) and it’s happened a couple times with drunk friends as well; “friends” acting, at least, out of ostensible concern. and then, of course, there’s all the random men i like to make out with at the clubs.
but the truth is, alas, that i am not gay.
i do, in all honesty, still really like to dance.
and my poor parents still worry that i haven’t found a spouse. was it something they did? am I angry at god? is there really a “gay neighborhood” in new york city?
and more than once, in their way, they’ve confronted me about my sexuality. “we just want you to know, that we will always love you,” they say, “whatever reason you might have for not being able to get married.” then they sit there and wait, curious and afraid. “i just haven’t found the right woman,” i say. but they look at me with sadness, and they’re still unconvinced. “mom and dad, I’m not gay, i just like sucking dick.”
but President Obama has finally come out of his own closet of sorts, admitting this week to supporting gay marriage. is this something he should have done much sooner? morally, the answer is, yes, of course. politics is a pernicious and cynical thing.
and North Carolina amended their constitution to ban gay marriage. as gay marriage wasn’t legal there anyway, it seemed unnecessary and cruel. and then they held a celebration where they ate wedding cake.
and i don’t know whether or not i’ll ever get married. (“i’m not saying i won’t, mom, i just don’t really know!”) but on the issue of gay marriage, i think there’s reason for hope. it’s taking too long, yes, but it’s heading the right direction – people, i think, are gonna figure this out. someday gay marriage will be a universal right. and when that day comes, while the rest of us can celebrate, Frances Newby’s grandchildren will google her and learn, “wow, grandma was an asshole!”