the bad chemicals

how do you celebrate Presidents’ Day?

for valentine’s day, i walked around mopey. i ate my co-workers’ candy and sought attention on twitter. i watched lots of random people singing cover versions of Adele songs on youtube while i pushed a pile of pad thai into the shape of heart. a broken heart.

but for Presidents’ Day, they closed the office and gave me the day off. that alone called for celebration.

but how do you celebrate Presidents’ Day?

it seems silly to celebrate authority. authority has a shitty track record. authority bombs and abuses and steals and spanks. i’m sure George Washington did some good things, but he also owned slaves. and i’ve heard some really creepy stories about his false teeth. so how do you celebrate somebody like that?

but a holiday is a holiday, so i went to the bar. i sang happy birthday to Obama, but nobody joined in. i bought drinks for friends, and i tried to be funny. i acted out obscenities in my own game of charades. at some point, my friend said, “brent, stop acting weird,” but he was powerless to stop me, it was Presidents’ Day, and whatever that means, it was a celebration.